I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
