she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
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You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
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Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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