so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So squirting runs in the family.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
