If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
