He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
