I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
