i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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