we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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