Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
