why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
