there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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