I need help removing her.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
