drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
