put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They have beer where we have blood.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
