How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
