i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
