The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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