I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
