shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
