4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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