Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
