the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
