Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
