at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
