Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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