mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
