I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
