she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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