I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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