My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
