I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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