i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
