The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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