I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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