Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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