Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
