you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
