Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Enjoy the penises
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
