We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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