Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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