We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free