last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom