from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.