I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.