Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it's like heaven, but drunker
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.