It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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