i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.