someone get that fucking seahorse.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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