Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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