what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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