you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
