I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
