We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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