I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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