I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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