people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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