Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
