just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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