I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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