dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found puke in my bra..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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