There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize