you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize