RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize