return my video game
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
